I've been lingering round here since I was asked to go for a coloscopy, but now I'm hoping someone might calm me down a little.
I had my first smear at the beginning of May (I'm 25.5) and the nurse was very sweet and whilst it didn't hurt I got very light headded after working myself up a lot. She said my cervix looked healthy and my coil was sitting just fine. I went on my merry way, then I got called back for a coloscopy due to being high risk HPV positive and borderline nuclear changes being seen on my smear.
When I went in for the coloscopy the doctor was pointing out that it was 'milder than mild' (or something to that effect) and tried to calm me down. I had the coloscopy and when she was in there she said she would have to take a biopsy and that it was lilely i would have to come back for further treatment (which means removing my coil too), i went green and ended up sitting in the surgery for an hour after a panic attack.
Two weeks after the coloscopy I have had a letter back saying that it is CIN3 and I need a LLETZ procedure. I'm now freaking out as I don't understand how it could have been very mild changes on the smear and now suddenly its really deep changes. Also that they've replied so quick (2 weeks) and booked me in so quick (another 2 weeks), surely theres more than meets the eye?
I am also freaking out about the coil being taken out, as even though none of the procdures (including the coil fitting) have been remotely painful every time I have had panic attacks and been very very faint so I don't want the coil removed and only to have to have yet another procdure to have it reinserted at another time (and can I even have a cil put back in- it's the only method I've found that works with me and is what I want)
I'm also petrified about CIN3 being more than CIN and being cancer.. i feel like my mind is spiraling out of control and I've convinced myself of the worst, getting the feeling that the doctor was evading worrying me but it's more serious than I think. I'm a medical scientist by trade, which you'd think would make me more rational, but all I'm doing is analysing why i might have one procdure/not the other, risk of future fertility/contraception
I could have had this done at 24.5 and now I'm kicking myself that I should have gone earlier but I moved and never got any invitation from my GP that would kick me into thinking about it. I'm also kicking myself for past sexual activities when I was younger, and feel dirty, even though I know that so so many people can have it.
I'm just so worried that CIN3 isn't the end of it and it's going to have invaded further and that the treatment is going to be something radical (I'm trying to just think of it as taking it how it comes, but when I got told cervix looked fine, and then it came back bad, and then being told its mild, and then actually no its the worst of all the CINs, i just feel luck isn't on my side and things are being glossed over. isn't helped my me reading the news earlier in a clam moment and one of the first stories being a ~22 year old being diagnosed with cc.
Thanks for listening to me, just really needed to type it out and try and get my head straighter :)