CIN3 diagnosis and a trans partner

Hi. I'm sorry if this is maybe the wrong place, and for my use of different words as I'm in the USA, so some things are a little differen, but here it goes.

I had my first Pap smear a year ago, at 21 years old and they said it was abnormal but nothing to worry about. This year, I went in for another and got diagnosed with hpv and went back for a colposcopy. I got diagnosed with CIN3 the other day, and scheduled my leep for about 2 weeks from now. 

Im absolutely terrified. I know it's rare to have this turn into cervical cancer, but I don't want to pretend I'm absolutely fine and it's all going to be ok. The leep might not work, and I might have to have a cryotherapy treatment. There's quite a few possibilities and nothing is definite and it's all just a waiting game at this point and it's frustrating, and all I want to do is cry.

my other point of concern is my boyfriend. My boyfriend is ftm transgender, so he can actually get tested. However, he's never had a Pap smear, and I know he's scared and that the Pap will probably cause some dysphoric feelings and I just don't know what to do to support him, especially since I'm a bit of a mess right now. I don't think he knows how to be supported right now, either. We have been talking about it, and will continue to talk about it until all this is basically over. I just need support, but I know I'm in a pretty unique situation. 


I completely get your worry and concern it's pretty terrifying stuff, but for most people it's rare to turn into cancer. I know it's hard but try and think positively and look after yourself and keep talking to your partner. Hopefully you can persuade him to go for the smear as I'm sure it will be a relief for you both just knowing what the result might be as our bodies all react differently.

There is a LGBT section of the forum where you might find people in the same situation as you, as no doubt having two people to worry about makes it extra hard.

I hope it works out for you x

I've definitely calmed down a bit, and I am very much trying to think positively, but I just don't want to ignore that it could be a bigger issue. 

I think it's possible He's waiting to go so I can be closer to him, and by the time we are closer my disgnosis and whatnot will have probably died down.

I belive I posted this in the LGBT forum, I know it's a fairly unique situation and has been incredibly hard finding people who understand.

Thank you for your reply.