Total newbie and perhaps the most anxiety riddled 38 year old you’ll meet. I’m a mother of one gorgeous 12year old and step mother to 2 big grown up handsome men. After a very turbulent and shocking week I have gone from cruising around with no issues to an absolute wreck, I am a complete mess.
Yesterday, I received the bad news that I had the highest grade severe CIN3 result on my Pap test and whilst in my gynaecologist appointment was directed for an immediate colposcopy. Thankfully it was so quick that I didn’t have time to panic and stress about the procedure. The procedure itself was really fine, I couldn’t hVe cared less what they did to me since I was in so much shock as to what the results actually meant.
The Dr was wonderful and explained everything but once I made it home, I couldn’t remember anything as I was such a mess.
I am a complete bucket of nerves and trying to keep ‘normal’ around the family is exhausting and really taking its toll. My daughter was home from school unwell today and I had to hide in our wardrobe when I felt panic attacks coming on. I am absolutely petrified at the results of the biopsy, I cannot think straight and am in so much pain. I have had shoulder pain and back pain for a while now and now all I do is think that it is linked. I cannot relax and am certain of a devastating result.
I blame myself for all of this. I left my Pap test for a long long long time and now I am paying the price. I can’t believe I have done this to my family and I am absolutely petrified of not being here for my daughter.
I am booked for cell removal (don’t ask which procedure - I have no idea). Maybe Leep?! He is going to take a significant portion of my cervix but I won’t be ok until I hear my biopsy results.
I have written a novel and I apologise but I am an absolute wreck and any perspective or advice would be so very much appreciated.