CIN3 and Relationships problem

I hope the ladies on this forum do not mind a male posting his feelings after his partner had treatment for CIN3 grades cells. Please let me explain my situation.

I have been in a healthy, happy relationship for a good 6 months; however, following her treatment for the CIN3 and the colposcopy she's been extremely frosty with me and has recently asked for a few weeks space away from me. I understand and respect her wishes but I am somewhat confused as I have supported her relentlessy during this unpleasant experience. I went to the hospital for the procedure and asked to watch videos online to understand in greater detail what she went through. I ensured we sat together and read the feedback from all the brave women out there who have also been through similar experiences. We both found it to be useful and reassuring. Despite this, a week on and she's panicking. She has asked for space away from me as this procedure has really knocked her confidence. She's concerned that she may never have children and I feel powerless. I have done my level best to support her and reassure her everything will be fine. She looked me in the eyes on the evening she asked for space and told me she loved me but I am now in a real state of disarray. Not having any contact and not knowing when the results will come through is leaving me feeling rather raw. 

I am sad and lonely and I guess airing my feelings in a forum that's fundamental to her feelings, helps me a lot.

Not sure what to do or say.

Thanks for any forthcoming support and words of comfort.

Welcome, I'm sorry you've been having to go through this as a couple, and in such a new relationship. people react to stress in different ways. It sounds like she's pushing you away, maybe to protect herself. All you can do is reassure her and be there for her. I hope it works out.  

Hi Adam,

Wow, you certainly have been the most attentive boyfriend, especially so early into the relationship. My boyfriend has been equally supportive of me (I have CIN3 and CGIN and have had two LLETZs done since February) but we are together 6 years, not 6 months. So I definitely take my hat off to you. 

Anyway, there could be a couple of reasons here. The virus that causes CIN is caught from having sex. This is no reason to blame you, as they say everybody catches it within 18 months of becoming sexually active....some going away themselves and some turning into CIN. She could be angry.

The other reason, the most likely one is that she is not ready yet to have sex. It takes about 6 weeks to pysically heal after a LLETZ, but psychologically it could take longer. This can be the fear of it hurting or bleeding or the fear of catching the CIN again, and having to go through the whole process again. As you are new in the relationship, it tends to be rather physical at that stage, and perhaps she is pushing you away so she doesnt have to 'refuse' you. You dont seem the type to nag her into getting back to it before she is ready, but she may not realise that. She could also be pre-empting bad news and is trying to protect you by pushing you away.

As you are only together 6 months, I would normally recommend you walk away, as she has pushed you away, afterall. But you two sound very serious, and therefore I recommend you try contact her.....perhaps texting first, so she is not put on the spot by a phonecall. I know if I pushed someone away, I would want them to try contacting me, as it proves to me they are serious about me.

Good luck xx


17/1/15 - Smear

29/1/15 - Smear results - abnormal

16/2/15 - Informed it was CIN3. Had colposcopy and LLETZ at same time. Had infection for weeks afterwards.

9/3/15 - Received letter to come back in 3 weeks.

30/3/15 - Informed margins were unclear and also have CGIN and that 2nd LLETZ needs to be done but need to wait to heal from first one.

6/5/15 - Second LLETZ done. Awaiting results.