Hello, I'm new to the site.
I had my smear back in October, I was told I think about the HPV test, but thought no worries I have when I have changed partners bee and got checked which I think is the correct thing to do. Two weeks later a letter comes with results, we found HPV, mild which is an sti, but it doesn't go and a pile of cancer leaflets and invitation to a colposcopy. Scared the living day lights out of me. I did as it advised and went to see the nurse who did the exam. Don't worry its nothing to worry about-huh, what about the leaflets? Then a 5 week wait for colposcopy, when I got there I have to say I was cold. The position, 3 people in the room, had to sort that out, I don't want a chat whilst someone has their head between my legs. After I was told its very common what we see in lots of ladies. Does it come back? Well they can't answer that can they. On the web I go, really scary stories, looked on here, those big words CANCER everywhere and all people say is don't worry-hilarious, had to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming-am I human etc. I have confided in two males friends and who nothing about it, thats ok I said they don't test you. You could have it and pass it on to a lady etc.
I got a letter a few weeks after the colposcopy saying they were holding myresults for their monthly discussion! But not to be unduly concerned or worried-what really? I am human, I have emotions. I phoned in a rage of panick, being upset and disbelief they could be so insensitive and prolong the agony. I got the results when they phoned me back explaining they were deciding whether or not to give me treatment. Now why could they not write that instead? Simple.
Another 4 week wait, I asked for a female doctor to do the loop, I have CIN 1 with a few other small changes so they decided that was best course of action. A man doing it would be a no go. I am having local as I don't want to be there any longer than nescessary. I feel sick at the thought the thought of the instrusive procedure. I shall listen to the music. Then another wait which they said was to make sure they removed all the CIN but reading on here thats not the case. I have been told its not cancer but a treatment to advoid it. Umm not so sure.
I can only go so far with treatment for that, I can't deal with it and I have no support. I can't tell my mum I have another sti. I caught Herpes from a boyfriend when I was very young and that has always controlled me and through that I made mistakes and now I have this after all the 25 years of being careful and being checked. That doesn't mean I have slept around I was married for a long time. How now being single am I ever supposed to move on? I have two boys and I am not putting them through hell. I do carework I see ill people and some young.
I am going to get some counselling but it won't help as they won't know about this. I need close support which I don't have. And as for taking someone with me to the hospital really no chance.
The thing that keeps me going is sport, I can't swim but will continue mountain biking after a few days off. This can't control your life right. Its already going to be a year after the 6 month repeat smear to see if its good or bad news.
I think the way its handled is wrong. The nurse at the doctors should know more and explain in detail what it is and what happens at your smear test. I wasn't going to go for the first time ever and now I do wish I hadn't. I have to live with a noose round my neck. Some people cope and some don't. I think the NHS are very dis-compassionate and need to address that. I would say I have contact with the colposcopy nurse, otherwise it would be even worse.
The other thing is when you have a smear you have a nurse at the colposcopy there were 3 but I got rid of one-I don't get that. I don't need an audience, sometimes its acceptable and sometimes it isn't at all
And if I go on to have a hysterectomy thats not good either is it, all my mum did was moan about things and you put on weight, I pride myself on keeping very fit and compete at 46years to a reasonable level. Thats my sanity.
Thats is a bit long I know!