Hi Ladies,
So I checked my post yesterday (I live in a flat so it's not like its there when you get in) and I have a lovely reminder letter telling me I need my check up smear by the 25th March. JOY. I had a little cry, but strangely I feel much better having had the letter (I've not been sleeping properly on and off for a few weeks) and I had the BEST nights sleep last night. I think that maybe now I have an actual deadline and not just the one in my head I feel a bit better? My body is weird!
I got all the usual bumpf (cervical screening leaflet, general letter 'it's very important you attend becuase of your last result' (which strangely made me feel like a naughty child!)) and then a leaflet on HPV. It said they might test for HPV, which is fine, but it said if it was negative that's fine, but if you test positivie, even if you get a normal smear. they'll ask you for colposcopy... WHY?! If the smear comes back normal what use will a colposcopy be? It's not like I wont go to any of it because I really appreciate being looked after and checked and all that, but I'd rather not have to get my insides out infront of yet another stranger - I've had quite enough of that for a while lol. If anyone can explain (it doesn't say on the leaflet) or guess why this would be I'd be interested.
x x x x
I would love never to see one of those letters again, but never mind!! When is your appointment? I am keeping a watchful eye on my post box as mine is due through soon as well.
I think once you have the LLETZ done, you are meant to become HPV negative and therefore any further changes are unlikely. However some people remain HPV postive, which in turn can cause some further cell changes. I think if you are HPV postive it just highlights the possbility that there may be changes there even if your smear comes back negative. Therefore they get you in just to make sure there is nothing going on. I know its not the nicest experience but at least in this case they are keeping a close eye (so to speak!)
Good luck! I am really really dreading mine
x
Hiya Hula,
The letter doesnt have an appointment date, but my next test is due by 25th March and I just have to contact my GP (which I'll do after my next period, oh the planning that does into this! haha). I'm going to request the nurse who did my inital one as she was so lovely and she won't mind at all if I cry (quite possible) or go all faint again (very probable). Unlike the nurse I saw for my last pill check up who was awful, I don't want her anywhere near my lady parts!
Fingers crossed for HPV negative for both of us!! I don't really want to go and sit in the waiting room of the colp. clinic again. They share a waiting area with ante-natal stuff, seeing all those pregnant ladies did not help last time lol. It's not like I want a baby yet, but being on the 'this could mean I might never have a baby' despair spiral isn't good when pregnant ladies are ALL AROUND YOU. Neither is them looking at you, a shaking, crying, terrified mess with no visible baby bump - i can't imagine that puts them at ease either lol (but because of this I did try and man up a bit!)
Like you said though, very thankful that the NHS keeps a close eye on us :) I can't fault the care I've had! x
I am 30 this year so the children part is really weighing heavily on my mind! So worried about needing more treatment and the consequences of this. eek!! I cried all over the last nurse who did my smear!! It doesnt help that they worry me with comments such as "you look really red down there.."!!
I am just going to accept that for the week before my smear and the weeks until the result I am going to be a nervous wreck - my poor boyfriend!
Love cat x
Haha I know, sometimes I think accepting that you do/will feel rubbish makes it easier in a way. I also agree, sometimes medical professionals can make a comment they probably won't remember but it means the world to you and plays on your mind something rotten.
At least we have Jos to keep us sane and give us some support :) I tried explaining to my boyfriend why I was crying last night, and that for about a month after everything happened I thought I might need actual mental help and considered going to the nurse and seeing if there was anywhere I could be referred to for some councelling and he just sort of glossed over a bit. Not sure he totally understood but at least he might be prepared if I'm a mess this time. x x
Hi Becky
I totally get it – I’ve not even had my letter back from my lletz and I’m already stressing about the follow up smear! I hadn’t realised they send you another letter to remind you of your appointment, yikes, that’s something to look forward to!
It’s not nice to have to face it all again, but at least they’re being cautious and checking on you. I think if I had to wait a year, I’d be freaking out a bit about cells coming back (admittedly, whilst enjoying the absence of waiting rooms and NHS letters!) I know what you mean about having to go for the colp though, didn’t make much sense to me when I heard that. I suppose they just want to really make sure they’re not missing anything.
I’m shocked to hear about the waiting room at your local colp clinic, what an insensitive set up!! Like ‘hey, if you’re not already worried enough about potentially receiving a diagnosis that could change your life and alter your prospects of getting pregnant, here’s another reminder of what you could be missing out on – we’re just going to drive it home really hard to you by having lots of blooming pregnant ladies around you!’ Actually cannot believe that’s allowed to happen L ? If a waiting room has to be shared, can’t it be with podiatry or dermatology??
I’m actually more dreading my smear – I have a new GP clinic so I have NO idea what to expect. Sure it will be OK but I really liked the nurses at my last practice, they were so lovely. I would have felt much happier about going back there, and would have stayed if I could, but wasn’t allowed to, hmph.
As you know, I’m also struggling with the anxiety. I’ve got past the two weeks since my lletz so I know that means I can ‘relax’ as in all likelihood the news won’t be bad. But I just want to flipping well know!! I need that letter so I can get on with my life I guess.
Anyway, this turned into a bit of an essay. Just to say am rooting for you, and I hope it all works out fine (I’m really sure it will).
xxxxxx
Hey Becky,
I think it's totally normal to feel like this. My follow up smear is coming up in April and whilst I have managed to feel relatively normal for the past couple of months, as the time creeps up I can feel myself getting progressively more anxious - the late night googling has crept back in and I worry myself into a stupor!! I think it is standard procedure to test for HPV at the same time as your smear. As Hula-Hoop says, if we are still HPV positive, there is a higher likelihood of recurrence (fingers crossed we have all kicked this virus out!!) and I believe you have more regular smears as a result.
I have become such a pessimist about my health since this whole experience began - I am kind of expecting to have bad results again. For some reason I just can't let myself even entertain the idea that I might be better - I guess I don't want to end up disappointed so it is best to assume the worst?? I wouldn't recommend this as a coping mechanism though!! But I just wanted to share that even months into this whole experience, I am still deeply affected by worry and fear - plus I am with you two on the baby front (29 in March - eek!! No babies but badly want a family in future) and am worried it might be too late.
I have fingers and toes crossed that we are all fine!!!!!!!! And will stay healthy!!! Please keep us posted and I will too! xxx
Thanks guys :) Haha, I definitely expect the worst, like you said, then you cant be disapointed lol!
Charlotte - I'm glad you're over the two week hurdle :) And about the colp. clinic... I KNOW!! I did mention something about it to my mum afterwards, but I think she thought I was waffling a bit after the anaesthetic lol. I'm sorry you've had to change your GP, that must be a bit unsettling! Do you have anything else wrong with you you might need to see a nurse for before your check up? lol. Cant believe I just asked you that!!
Worriedly... totally agree with the health pessimism thing too, I've currently got a cold so that MUST mean I still have HPV because I had one just before Christmas too... (nevermind that I work in a university and two thirds of the student body don't understand the concept of personal space)... haha. It also doesnt help that when I'm mildly anxious/nervous it sits in my belly (which in my head is clearly another sign of HPV lol) god we're complex anxiety ridden creatures lol.
I'm so glad Jos exists! My one friend (as far as I know, it's not something thats generally talked about among my friends, but I'm trying to change that, because it's part of the reason this whole thing was so scary!) who's had this done too would be coming over to kill me otherwise because I'd be driving her insane! x
Hi
That’s a good point about seeing my nurse – I do actually have to get a pill renewal in two months so I’ll arrange an appointment and perhaps I can get the lie of the land then. That makes me feel better, thank you!
And about the health worries – my friend said something which has stuck with me: ‘Your body eavesdrops on your mind’. So if you think you have something wrong with you, then it’s more than likely you’ll start experiencing all manner of aches and pains. I have been in the grip of hypochondria -anxiety for months now, it’s so boring! But I have heard that HPV (like CIN) is symptomless. The only symptom is produces (apart from playing merry havoc with our lady cells!) is anxiety, which in turn leads to poorly tummies and a lowered immune system. I have IBS, so whenever I’m anxious my system goes haywire, and anxiety about that makes it even worse!
I’d love to hear how you all get on. There seems to be a few posts where ladies go for their six month check ups then…nothing! I’d like to take this as a sign that everything is OK but it would be nice to hear what the outcome is and take strength and inspiration from it.
xxx
Oh and I'm 33 so am really worried about babies! I'm thinking if my six month check comes back with more abnormal cells, I'm going to deal with that then suggest to my boyfriend that we fast track pregnancy, even though we agreed to wait for a few years! if this is going to be a recurring thing, I'd rather go for a hysterectomy, as drastic as that sounds. So children need to happen soon! Hmm now that will be an interesting conversation...
I'm going to attempt to combine my pill check up with my smear (although will have to see how this works out at the time, it could all go wrong lol). But definitely see how you feel with the nurse who does your check up - and maybe check with her if she does smears too, I don't know if you have to have any special training or anything?
That is so true about your body listening to your mind! I've started to take a walk or breathe deeply (which I once thought was a right farce) when I feel myself getting stressed or anxious and it does make a big difference.
Haha, you might have to start dropping some hints first so it's not totally out of the blue for your boyfriend! Try not to think about that too much, hopefully you'll get everything sorted in one go :) x x x x
I'm going to attempt to combine my pill check up with my smear (although will have to see how this works out at the time, it could all go wrong lol). But definitely see how you feel with the nurse who does your check up - and maybe check with her if she does smears too, I don't know if you have to have any special training or anything?
That is so true about your body listening to your mind! I've started to take a walk or breathe deeply (which I once thought was a right farce) when I feel myself getting stressed or anxious and it does make a big difference.
Haha, you might have to start dropping some hints first so it's not totally out of the blue for your boyfriend! Try not to think about that too much, hopefully you'll get everything sorted in one go :) x x x x
Aargh, that posted twice! I can't delete it! lol x
Hey Becky
Just wanted to wish you good luck with your follow up smear - I'm not due to go back for a review until June and it's still on my mind constantly so I know exactly how you feel! Infact, as I type my boyfriend is asking why I'm on the forum again seen as though it's not until June - they don't quite understand!
Agree it's not nice being messed about with and having to get our bits out for strangers, but at least they are keeping a close eye on us 
Let us know how you get on xxx
Hi ladies,
So, I've made my appointment (and feel quite sick lol, just want to go home and cry! Really need to man up a bit). It's next Monday at 2.50. There was an appointment tomorrow but I'm not mentally ready for that and I don't know if I can get the time off work lol. Then I got one for the 19th at 4.30 (wanted a later one so I could spend the day at work not thinking about it lol). Then I actually left the doctors surgery before deciding I couldn't wait that long and I'd go insane so I went back in.
Luckily the receptionists I spoke to were both really nice - especially when I checked the nurse I'd be seeing wasnt the nurse who did my last pill check up (she was NOT nice) the receptionist had a little chuckle (not in a mean way, kind of in an 'oh yes I understand' kind of way lol).
Next step, trying to pretend its not happening lol. I hope everyones recovery/check up/whatever stage you're at is going well :) thank you all for being there and listening :) x x x x
You have reminded me to get my bum in gear - I need to book mine as its due in two weeks. I keep putting it off each day but I need to bite the bullet and just book it! However everytime I think about it, I feel quite panicy/teary, so its hard to book it from work!! I really hope yours gos well.
Sending you lots of hugs
Cat x
Hi Cat - don't worry, I had a little cry inbetween leaving after making appointment 1 then going back and changing it for appointment 2. And then I had a little cry after I'd changed it. Got some funny looks in town! And now I'm all teary because I feel like I should have not been such a wus and just taken the appointment for tomorrow lol. Good luck in booking yours - fingers crossed for a quick appointment and good results :) x
right, booked in for the 21st March. They offered me one next week but I have a mates hen do and dont want to be worried on it!! let me know how yours goes
xxxx
I nearly typed yey - that's not what I mean, but you know what I mean lol. We can hold imaginary hands together! Slept much better last night having made the appointment. Weird kind of calm lol x
glad I have got it booked in, found out today I passed my Masters - so today will totally be about that and not my stupid cervix 
xxx
