Cheating ex’s

I’m going to start with the history. I met my ex after he moved 300 miles away after his marriage broke down after she had cheated on him and they were arguing all the time. When we hooked up, his estranged wife was already in another relationship. We were both sterilised so pregnancy wasn’t a possibility, and both screened for STI’s, and negative. About 6 months into our relationship his wife was diagnosed with pre-cancerous cells (obviously from HPV). After two years, our relationship had broken down. I then found out, he’d been sleeping with his wife the whole two years whilst visiting his kids. We’d even had the discussion about her cancer diagnosis being as a result of HPV being an STI. Well 3 years after meeting him, a colposcopy, scan (abnormal bleeding) they’ve found High grade CIN in the neck of my cervix. I was alone 10 years before I met him, and I’ve seen CIN appears in roughly 2-3 years but can be as little as 12 months. I feel deflated. He knew her condition was caused by HPV and it was sexually transmitted but still had unprotected sex with both of us. Now it looks like I’m paying the price for his infidelity. I’m so angry at myself.

You don’t need to be angry with yourself, do you - be angry with him. He knew he could be transmitting the virus and he knew he was cheating. Unfortunately these things happen. There is a certain stigma in society with CC labelled as being caused by sexual promiscuity but there are many of us who have been no where near promiscuous and just been unlucky. Turn your anger away from yourself and into a determination to get it treated and get rid of the HPV. I had abnormal cells detected over 20 years ago and had been married to a man who (unknown to me at the time) had been paying for extra-marital sex… So he was promiscuous but I was not. I had three ops to clear the cells as they kept returning. There was no HPV test in those days. I thought I was clear. Last Christmas they found Stage 3 cancer. You just have to deal with these things when they happen. I looked at all the little kids coming through for chemo - no way was cancer their fault. Abnormal cells aren’t your fault either. You trusted someone and that’s not a bad thing. I hope they get every last abnormal cell and you can knock the virus on the head as well. Get it treated and move on and I hope you find someone who values you more. X