I had my colposcopy last Thursday and had 3 punch biopsies taken (routine at my clinic if there are clear abnormalities). My cervix is mainly covered in abnormal cells (a lot of it turned white but it wasn't bumpy. It was whiter in the middle and more transparent white across the outside of the abnormality. Any idea what CIN this might be? I am guessing it is much worse than what the borderline smear suggested, at least CIN 2. They said the abnormality is quite wide spread (which I could see). What worries me even more is my last smear came back borderline but HPV negative 3 years ago. They put me back on routine recall so I didn't worry about it. Now it makes me feel like my cervix has probably been like it over 3 years and the negative HPV could have been a false negative. I have had no symptoms at all for the last 3 years. What if it is worse? The nurse told me it is not cancer and to try not to worry while I wait for my results but it is easier said than done. They asked when I was away and said they'd treat me when I come back if I need it.
I keep thinking what if it is actually cancer and what if need an historectomy? I have no children yet out of choice as I wanted to enjoy my 20's by going travelling, etc before starting a family. I plan to have kids in my 30's but feel I might have ruined chances of ever being a mum by not having kids earlier. My partner like me doesn't want kids until he is in his 30's. He is getting fed up of me worrying about it, says I am over reacting and he can't put up with it. I am actually starting to feel depressed. He tells me to live for now and forget about it. It is putting a strain on our relationship. Only him, my mum, sister and best friend know about what I am going through.