bit of a rant!!

Hi all 

Posting to have a rant more than anything else really!!

Finished chemo/rad/Braccy for 2b cc with lymph node involvement in March. I have my first post treatment scan on Monday and am dreading it. I have been reasonably strong since my diagnosis in Jan, I have undergone treatment and started menopause without moaning about it. I kind of had my 'it's here, deal with it' head on. Now I feel like I'm having a meltdown and because I dealt with everything else well, my family and friends think I'm okay, when I'm not. I seem to be the sounding board for my family, who are all having their own issues with things at the moment, and I don't really feel like anyone is there for me.

Every bad mood I get, my husband blames on my hormones, and reminds me to takre my HRT, which winds me up . He seems to think I should be over things by now  and life should be getting back to normal, but I can't. 

Sorry for the rant :( sending love to all ladies dealing with this horrible illness xx


Hi Becky,

Please don't apologise. We are all here to support each other the best we can.

I think we just go through the motions as a survival thing. I haven't started my treatment yet (is going to be the same as yours). It's such a full on schedule that I'm sure you don't have time to think of much else. 

Is there any way you can sit down with your husband and explain how you feel & that it's not all down to your hormones. You are struggling to come to terms with such a massive event and he needs to understand and support you. Equally, could it be that he doesn't know how to help thus making it easier for him to put everything down to 'hormones'. My partner and I have discussed the likelyhood of needing counselling to help us after this- could that be an option? 

Is there a friend that you can talk to honestly and not feel the need to be strong all the time?

I really hope your follow up shows you are cancer free and things start to get easier for you.

Big hugs and friendly ears. Rant away!

Rachel xx

Hey Becky,

You've every right to have a rant after all you've been through and it's good to get it off your chest too. I had all the same treatment as you but i'm 6 months further down the line. I had a few moments where I want to tell them all where to get off. I felt exactly the same as you these last few months particularly.

If only it were just down to the hormones, but we both now it takes a few years before we can be absoloutley sure we're through the woods and I think this is the biggest worry for me anyway.

Please don't worry too much about your first scan as I'm sure nothing much could have happened since January. I felt the same though.and I'm now waiting for results of my second scan just now.

I think you should make some time for yourself, like go for a treatment or new hair do. Put yourself first if the family won't.

Remember, you aren't totally alone as lots of ladies on Jo's site always there to help and support you.

Good luck with your scan and please let me know how you get on.

Big hug,

Jools x


I think it hits you after much more than while you are going through it. I also think people say 'oh you're fine' because that's how they want you to be. Having to deal with someone's anger, fear, sadness, worry is hard and people may be scared of 'setting you off' if they mention it. 

Its really hard. I can't comprehend how hard it must be to go through the treatment you had so friends and relatives will have an even harder job trying to truly understand what you've gone through. And sadly, it may be that you need to cull a few friends who don't seem to give a ......

have you ever tried counselling. An hour a week that is just for you to explore your feelings about it all and have a moan about people!! 

Hope your scan is all good. X

Hi Becky :-)

I totally get where you're coming from! Having a husband who blames everything on hormones is simply the end! It's like "you've been through every treatment under the sun, you have survived a horrible disease and now your mood swings are because you are too hot and sweaty" Oh F*** O**! No! You are allowed to be anxious and we all are anxious before our follow-up appointments. When you were first diagnosed it came as a big surprise, right? It just ran round the corner and whacked into you no warning. This time you are approaching that corner, which you cannot see around and you don't know if it's waiting there for you or not. Of course you are jumpy and on edge!

And 365days is right, when you are going through the initial diagnosis/treament phase it's as though you are on one of those moving walkway things they have at airports, you're just going through it from day to day without being in control of the direction you are being led, it's a little bit dream-like. But now you have come out the other side, have breathed real air again and it does come home to you what actually happened.

So don't apologise for the rant. The whole point of this forum is so you can share your feelings with other people wearing the same tee-shirt, because your family and friends (and possibly least of all your husband) have very little chance of understanding what it feels like to be you right at this moment. 

Good luck with your scan, it's always an anxious time but I promise you it gets better as you tick them off. Tell us how it goes, we're here for you, and if there isn't a smile beginning to grow across your face after another few months then yes, go and get some counselling. I think most of us need it at some stage. It's not a sign of weakness.


Be lucky :-)



Thank you for your lovely responses. It's such a comfort to know I'm not alone in these feelings and not being irrational!! I think I am going to try and get some counselling as I don't think I have even began to process what I have been through, or the implications.


On another note, my Macmillan nurse has just called me with results of Monday's the moment it shows I am cancer free!! All feels a bit surreal at the moment!!


Love to you all xxx

Becky that's brilliant news :D I bet that's cheered you up. 

I think with everything you have been through you should try and be a bit selfish and don't take on other peoples problems. I know I normally do this but I need all the strength for me and some people are just take take take and I think when you go through a hard time you realise who these people are.Try and be kind to yourself and enjoy your fab news xxxxx

Hi Becky,

Only just seen your update, that is fantastic news.

Rachel x

Brilliant Becky

Just brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!
That first 'cancer-free' sounds great doesn't it :-)

You look after No 1



Thank you!! Hope your first week of treatment is going well xxx