Better at being alone? (Children mentioned)



I am new here, just found this site couple of days ago while searching for information about all of this.



So I just had my LLETZ done 7th August. 1.5 year after my first severe dyscariosis test. . The doctor though I was too young, and had me come back every three-four month for colposcopy.

Its been difficult, emotional ups and downs. I am now 26 years old. Worries swirling around my head, and the fact that I just moved to UK. I was still settling in, and trying to find a job when aall this started. I wasn't ready for it.

I started dating a guy, and told him about what was happening with me, and he has been over reacting to all this. Looking at me like I am about to die or something.

I had to ask him not to follow me to the hospital for the next checks or for my LLETZ, cause he makes the waiting terrible. He looks at all the pregnant ladies in the waiting room and says that might be us next time ... etc. It breaks my heart and I just couldn't deal with it.

It's a pretty new relationship, and I just can't help but wonder sometimes if he is with me for the "drama"

Whenever I see him, I am reminded about this. How he so badly wants babies, and that (atleast) at the moment I am not in a state to do that. I want to make sure I am healthy before thinking about reproducing. I feel as if I am letting him down. And its building up in me, a resentment for him.


And I am thinking. Am I the only one feeling like this? That it's better to do this alone, than have someone like that to go through it with?

That after all of this, I am still the same me, with new experiences to add to my pool. Not some damaged bird.


I don't know. i suppose I am just trying to gather myself together and make some sense in all this.

Bless you sounds like you are having a hard time! Im 25 had my first smear with severe changes and had LLETZ on the day at my colposcopy on 30th July so still waiting for results. I have a Bf but luckily neither of us wants kids but I do understand how stressful the situation can be, my opinion would be that your partner should make this easier for you not harder as then your relationship becomes just another thing to stress about and its hardly fair making you feel guilty about something you dont want yourself and you have no control of. Maybe give the descion to him? Explain kids are not and cannot be on your radar right now and that there is a possibility it could affect future pregnancies and ask him you can either cope with that and just enjoy me for now and not mention kids again for now or if you can’t cope with that then leave? I’m sure him leaving isn’t what you want but if you’re also feeling you could be happier and less stressed alone atm then maybe you’re right, like I said he’s meant to make you feel better not worse. Hope this helps a little? xx

thank you so much littleD. This is really helpful.

I have gone through most of my life alone, and so used to fight my battles with noone around me, but I have really been trying to be better at letting others in and share my difficulties with others. I'm a foster child, and moved on my own at the age of 14, battling depression and eating disorders. I was so proud of making this far, and feel like this is another slap in the face.
I was pregnant at 15, but lost them at 13 weeks, and since then my focus has always been on becoming a better me, in order to have a family one day.

I have reached a point where I am managing to be proud of who I have become.

All this stress my bf is adding to my life has really set me back, and I have noticed my behavioural pattern changing to a me a couple of years ago.
And I don't want to start all over.



Thank you so much for reaching out. :)


Aww its ok feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to :slight_smile: it’s really good that your trying to change your life around letting people in a bit more and it sounds like you are doing really well, don’t let anyone drag you down! There’s nothing wrong with being alone sometimes we need it to find ourselves, what what we want and who we want.


Thank you for being so kind. You rock!


It only took me 3 days to write this post. It's a start :D

Update: So I left him, and moved to another town for a job, let's see how this goes.

Well done confusion for been so brave and making a change.

So many people never find the strength to change what's not

working for them.When we have troubles and setbacks it definately

makes you stronger.

Good luck with your new life,you sound like you will be fine :-)

If you need to talk Jo's is a good place to come anytime.


Becky x

Hey Confusion!

You are one fantastically strong woman!

High five to you girl!

Be lucky


Thank you Tivoli, and Rebecca

Some days I look back and I think, wow, I really did well there, and sometimes I could not feel smaller. 
I suppose we all have those days...

Hi there, didn't want to read and run.

Well done on your brave decision to move on and make a change - he obviously wasn't for you and like you said, you don't want someone hanging onto you just for drama!

About your LLETZ though, you say it was in August last year? Where did you have it done? They should have explained to you that if all was well, then you'd be able to come back from another smear in 6 months and then it's back to normal 3 yearly smears - no more drama and no more stress. You shouldn't have to keep going for smears/check ups every few months. LLETZ is very effective and shouldn't warrent you haveing to keep going to appointments, unless there's something I'm missing? Please don't think I'm being mean, I'm just trying to make sure you're not going through a load of stress you don't require/need/want.

Also in regards to babies, I believe you can start trying for one post LLETZ as soon as you've healed properly - a friend of mine had LLETZ done and 10 weeks later she was pregnant. She's now got a goregous baby girl :-)

Hope you're ok, you sound like you're made of strong stuff!

Lucy x