I am new here, just found this site couple of days ago while searching for information about all of this.
So I just had my LLETZ done 7th August. 1.5 year after my first severe dyscariosis test. . The doctor though I was too young, and had me come back every three-four month for colposcopy.
Its been difficult, emotional ups and downs. I am now 26 years old. Worries swirling around my head, and the fact that I just moved to UK. I was still settling in, and trying to find a job when aall this started. I wasn't ready for it.
I started dating a guy, and told him about what was happening with me, and he has been over reacting to all this. Looking at me like I am about to die or something.
I had to ask him not to follow me to the hospital for the next checks or for my LLETZ, cause he makes the waiting terrible. He looks at all the pregnant ladies in the waiting room and says that might be us next time ... etc. It breaks my heart and I just couldn't deal with it.
It's a pretty new relationship, and I just can't help but wonder sometimes if he is with me for the "drama"
Whenever I see him, I am reminded about this. How he so badly wants babies, and that (atleast) at the moment I am not in a state to do that. I want to make sure I am healthy before thinking about reproducing. I feel as if I am letting him down. And its building up in me, a resentment for him.
And I am thinking. Am I the only one feeling like this? That it's better to do this alone, than have someone like that to go through it with?
That after all of this, I am still the same me, with new experiences to add to my pool. Not some damaged bird.
I don't know. i suppose I am just trying to gather myself together and make some sense in all this.