back to the start

hi, im new to this, iv been struggling to keep myself together i had symptoms last year, pain during intercourse and bleeding, back pain and cramps, so went to my doctor she referred me to have a colopsopy exam with led to a biopsy and cin1 was detected which is ok, i am only 24 and i have noticed my symptoms have returned, i have been suffering from depression for nearly a year now and this will be my second christmas of worry, im scared for my daughter she is now 20months, i am now waiting on my second colopsopy exam my feelings are very different this time, i feel annoyed but mostly numb, i just hope i wont have to go through this every year, so its back to the start, would appreciate anybody who has experience with this..x

Sorry matey, but I can only send u a hug x

i went straight from clear to severe changes then all this (see below). I do know how destructive negative thoughts and depression are though. Are u getting help for this? Counselling? I know from what's happening to me, talking to everyone about everything has kept me sane! Do u have a support network who u can offload on? I hope so x 

hopefully someone on here can share their similar experience with you xxx 

oh my god thats a lot to go through, you must be very strong,i dont want to offend anyone but i dont believe in counselling, personally it doesn help me iv tried it before for childhood trauma,and i hated it,mostly the "face" you know the look of pity makes me so uneasy so im more of a "keep it to yourself" type, my partner is a fantastic rock and father, but i dont want to worry him anymore than he has to,this is really the first time i have opened up about it, i am on medication for my depression its not working as much as it use to, thank you for the hug and your support, i really appreciate it xxxx

Oh matey,

don't think I could do the counselling thing either. Pity faces. But my friends have been great. I have 2 who have had so much shit in their own lives it's untrue!! they seen and experienced everything so when I talk to them I don't get those faces, just support. Is there anyone you could share with? Have a think. Once u open up about it all to someone once, it's much easier after that. You might be surprised what crap they've experienced in life too. Just a thought.

open up on here, a lot of people do. People tend to be very honest about how they are feeling, maybe it's cos there is no pitying looks. Just anonymous ladies supporting each other, all with their own similar troubles.

xxx dons

im not strong, just had no choice but to go through all this. Could be much worse!

oh im glad you agree, i will stick to my medication, i have this one friend who is as blunt as a gun but i love her,she has no experience with this but alot of childhood trauma,so we have that in common, i get those faces with everybody which is why i dont talk about it,infact sometimes i make the odd joke especially with my dad i am his youngest and only girl and i know him well enough when he is hurting,he is a traditional irish man who does not show emotion much we mostly talk to eachother through humour, its always been that way, i really appreciate your help i feel better already but you know, its the ups and downs that are hard,feelings of hopeless, selfharm,death,sometimes i just want to scream, this is the most honest iv been with myself,i hope your next appointment goes well i really do, mine is in the early december so fingers crossed,again i cant thank you enough for your help,

xxx callie <3

Must say, the weather doesn't help! ! Have u noticed the sun and warmth makes the day more bearable?  Yesterday it never really got light and the rain was yuk... I had a really bad day yesterday. Now im almost there physically,, the mental and emotional stuff seems to be coming out again. Feeling low and all the what ifs keep coming. Doesn't help ive put on weight, look pale and am tired all the time!! Gets into a bit of a vicious circle, if not careful. So I keep getting out for daily walks for an hour even in the rain. Are u getting urself out and about? Do u do any groups with ur daughter?

Do share with ur blunt friend!They're often the good ones for telling u how it is and making u face things. Or at least look at them from a different angle.

Blue skies where I am today so im gonna have a bath then get out there. Keep urself busy xxx


If u try talking to ur friend and she makes the face, tell her to stop with the face!! Tell her u dont want her pity, u want her support and u want to offload! Tell that to everyone. Theyll soon stop xxx

oh she gave the face the first time i told her but now its all jokes and i prefere it that way so shes great, im the same starting to put up weight and comfort eat but i will try my bestest again thank you for all the advice and support i really appreciate it,i will update again after my second test untill then the story continues,

thank you xxx

callie xxx