Does cancer stop being the first thing on your mind when you wake up, the last thing before you go to bed and on your mind all day?
I’m just over a month into diagnosis and not started treatment yet but I’m already mentally worn out through it.
I know I’ve got a long battle ahead. Physically I will deal with anything that is thrown at me but mentally, I’m think I’m going mad.
I had an illness before and it took me about 2 years before I started living my life properly again. I don’t want to go through it again (although I know I have no choice).
I’m looking forward to the end of my treatments so I can have a break from the hospital but I know the scan is going to be in the back of my mind all the time.
Maybe I’ll look at counselling then if I need it.
I had a wobble last night brought on by nothing at all. I just started thinking I’m kidding myself that this thing is going to go. Usually I can talk myself round but I’m struggling at the moment. I have that horrible feeling in my chest.
Roll on Monday when my treatment starts and I’m finally doing something positive.
All this uncertainty over the next few weeks can’t be helping as I don’t know what time I need to be at the hospital every day so I can’t make plans for lifts etc
Hi Philleepa,
Can I suggest that for your first day you get in as early as humanly possible until you are familiar with the system. If you can get in before 9 then I'd strongly recommend it. It might mean you are sitting around for ages and ages but it might just get you seen ahead of schedule. It took me quite a while to stop thinking about cancer but then I live in a tiny isolated place, there's not much external stimulation and any time I went into the village people would stop me in the street and ask after my health. You have family and children and school runs to occupy your mind so it may prove to be less of an issue. I suppose when it all boils down to it you will have more mental space for other things once you have had your first all-clear. Up until then it will probably be occupying at least some brain-space. You will know when it's the right time to get counselling.
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
Hi, I know how you feel when I was first diagnosed I would lie in bed and keep thinking what if it doesn't work etc I planned my funeral so many times and I cried so much it was unreal. It's normal! When I was around my family I would be strong and not show that it got to me and that I was going to fight this thing that had invaded my body, eventually I started to beleive this and kept this way of thinking with me. I eventually tricked myself into not thinking about it.
I asked the small amount of people I told about my diagnosis not to say anything to anyone as I didn't want to be fussed over and it was the best thing ever as I was able to get on with my fight without being reminded of my battle. My mum and nan kept going on at me at times which kept bringing me back to that dark place so I told them - not that they listened! But I learnt to ignore them.
I had a melt down part way through my chemo where I couldn't stop crying and just completely gave up - once the tears had dried and I talked to my best friend I pulled up my socks and I put up my guard again and I was ready to complete the battle.
None of it was easy for me as I was so incredibly poorly but I've got through it and I've had my ups and downs but I'm getting there. I'm back at work on Tuesday so I can get some normality back in my life, it will be hard as I still have tiredness and I'm not 100% still but sometimes you have to push yourself.
Best advice I can give you? Listen to your body.
Tired? Sleep. Hungry? Eat and eat lots cus you may have days where you don't want to. Have someone to help you with everyday chores because you won't have the energy for it, have another person to take you too and from appointments as this will take a lot of pressure off you.
Good luck with your treatment and keep us updated xx
Thanks X unfortunately my first appointment is 3pm on Monday. I wanted an earlier one but they said that they can't change that but will try to make earlier appointments in future.
Once I've had my first all clear.
Sounds good X
Thank you again x
Thank you carmel x
It helps so much to talk to people on here. I can say things that I can't say to my family and friends x
Good luck with going back to work x le
T us know how you go on x
Thank you...I know it's been a life saver this page has for me as I've had so many questions about stuff and everyone has been so helpful.
It's also nice to talk to people who know what your going through rather than someone who's friends uncles cousin has had cancer of something else. That drove me crazy people telling me "my friend did this" "my friends said this happened to them" - I know they think they're being helpful but they aren't.
I've become really grumpy with my treatment as my hormones are all over the place - fingers crossed you will be ok.
If you ever want to talk were all here for you xx
Wishing you all the very best for tomorrow afternoon Philleepa. Once you have started the treatment I am sure you will feel that things are moving forward and that you are doing all you can to beat this. We are all here for you. Big hugs xx
Hi Philleepa. This may not be what you want to hear, but at this stage I'd say it would be very strange and probably not a healthy thing if your diagnosis and treatment wasn't front and centre for you. That said, the trick is to make sure you have a way to voice your fears and get the support you need to keep things in proportion. During my treatment I drew on support from friends (my family weren't much help), my local Jo's group, this forum, my care team and the Maggie's Centre at my hospital. Let's be honest, this is effing terrifying and anyone would feel overwhelmed at times.
The good news is that when your treatment ends, the whole thing gradually shifts and moves to be a periferal thingthat you don't think about most days. Three years on I think about it when I have to go for checks and when odd news articles come up but most of the time I'm just getting on with life. Just be patient and deal with each day as it comes and before you know it you'll be out the other side.
good luck x
