Hi ladies haven't posted for a while hope everyone is doing ok? Not really sure what this post is about to be honest just wanted to get things off my chest...so am coming up to 5 weeks since treatment finished and at 1st I was relieved that it was done but then I started to feel anxious over every little twinge and not having the security of seeing a medical person everyday for these worries. But that lifted after a little while and I started to feel my self again I went back to work 2 weeks later and thought I could just jump back in to my life were I left it turns out i couldnt! Am trying my hardest to move on the best I can but I still don't no if the treatment has worked or not so that's hard to deal with. And on top of that I'm just really scared with what the future holds I wake up in the night and it hits me like a ton of bricks am just so scared of not being here for my daughte...sorry to go on I just needed to get this of my chest xx
It's all part of the sh*t experience that is cancer I'm sorry to say :-(
Also been ladies we want to get right back at it and be the same as
we were before....I beat myself up constantly!!!I have read a cancer
survivors book which really helped,but to be honest I think it just takes
It sounds like you are doing really well,going back to work is a massive
thing and you have done it.As well as getting on with your daily life
(don't realise how much we do!!)
Nobody know's what the future holds...Everyday is different...
I can't really help,but I want you to know I will listen and try to
understand as long as you need.
When do you get your results?
Thanks becky it's unreal how something can change your life and you as a person over night isn't it. I have a 6 week checkup a week Monday then I imagine my mri will be in November because it will be 3 months since my treatment but guess I will no more when I see my oncologist. Hope your ok hun xx
Yes it is....It's really hard.I find it so much harder this time round.
I am going for an MRI tomorrow to find out why I am having so much pain,
totally fed up with been ill now!!! Got to the point where I don't so much mind
the pain as long as I feel ok,but last couple of day's I've been sick and had terrible
headache,think I've got a bug.
Just looking forward to feeling better and getting on with my life.
Hope you check-up goes ok and fingers crossed for a fantastic result with the MRI.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this twice, but Good luck with your mri too becky let us no how you get on. Thanks hun take care xx
Hi Dominique and Becky
I'm coming up to my 1 year anniversary and must admit it took me until about June before I started to feel a bit more like my old self. Before then it wasnt always bleak but I struggled to move forwards mentally. Bit by bit it's getting better though. I still worry about the future and if it will come back but guess I'm no different to anyone else here.
That's what great about this site, we can all support each other which really does help when things get tough.
Somebody said at the start of my journey that you find a new kind of normal and I think that's very true. Although there is still the worry etc I notice the good things a lot more now and don't take stuff for granted like I used to.
I have a MRI in November and am already preparing my next lot of questions for my consultant when I see him in December! I'm always relieved just after a positive check up then of course the worry starts up again in the build up to the next appointment. We'll get there - with a little help from our friends!
Wishing you both love and lots of luck with your MRI's.
Thank you Cheryl. And your right in what you say I'm very grateful for this site and all the lovely ladies who have helped me through this journey so far. Good luck for your mri to hun. Take care xx
I found the time between treatment ending and the first check up lonely -like you say the security of the daily chats with the medical staff no longer there to give comfort, and the worry about the final result..... I also think the feelings are more exaggerated because of the hormone changes, as your body starts to settle back down.
I so wanted to return to my old normal, but as time moves on have found I like my new normal and im enjoying life in a different way - I think its better. Plus reading other experiences on here has helped me accept the changes
Good luck with the results, and good luck with the mri becky
I'm really hoping it is hormonal Tracey because i feel horrible at the minute I can't seem to shift my mood. I have so many supportive family and friends around me yet ive never felt so lonely with it, I think it doesn't help that I dont really discuss my feelings to much I try to be strong for everyone else. Im just hoping seeing my oncologist might help me out, and I think a trip to my gp wouldn't hurt either because if it is to with the menopause also then I'm guessing I could use a bit of help. Thanks for replying hun and sorry for going on! Hope your doing good. Take care xx
I'm also struggling to move forward, it will be a year in Nov for my diagnosis, second time as i was diagnosed in 2008 aswell, i had an operation in Nov last year, then another one in Jan this year, the operations were the only treatment i needed & was told they'd got all the cancer, i'm also having a hard time with every pain or niggle i feel, i'm still on 3 monthly check-ups, people think you get the all clear & finish your treatment & that you should just go back to how you were before, it doesn't work like though, i can never be the same person i was, the cancer has changed me as a person, i can't bring myself to do the things i used to do, the biggest thing for me is the friction between me & my partner, i'm not able to touch him or let him touch me, i've no interest in sex, ive no sexual feelings at all since operations, i havent even tried, seen Macmillan councillors nothing has helped though, i accepet my sex life is over & i'm just pleased to be here, my partner who has always been there for me & is a good person can't deal with it, i keep telling him it takes time, i too read the cancer surviors compaining, gor a lot from it
I felt the same way you describe about 6 weeks after the end of my chemo / radio treatment, but looking back it was a slow decline ..... I knew I was due for surgery, and this just added to the stress. Due to the type if cancer my oncologist doesn't recommend hrt, but suggested evening primrose oil. Tbh im not sure if the hormones (or lack of lol !) have settled, or if the evening primrose oil is working, but my emotions are a lot more level and I feel a lot better ... I do still panic about any twinges or lumps and bumps ... but im lucky to have a great gp who has been really supportive and gradually I am worrying less. Dont worry about going on - thats what we are here for xx
Mandy - you are so right.... this has changed us forever, and I think trying to be what I was doesn't help me with the healing process. I have changed, and I am lucky my hubby is behind me and supporting me all the way. Even to the extent we are moving, and reassessing everything xx So far for me full sex is on step to far, but we are getting there..... just give yourself time xx
Thanks Tracey Im going to make an app with my gp see what he recommends. I really hope to be were you are in the future you seem to really have made good progress with moving on from cancer and like you say we all have our worries. I guess that will never leave us. thanks for replying it really does mean a lot. Mandy I'm really sorry your having a hard time intimately with your partner, but these things do take time, at the minute I'm struggling using the dialators I can't seem to relax, so sex is a no no for me and my bf at the minute too. I defintley think I'm thinking to much into it and I should just do it! But I've got to much worries and anxiety about the actual cancer to put anymore pressure on my self, that is something I will work on if i get the results from my mri that I'm hoping and praying for. Thanks ladies and take care xx
Hi ladies, just to let you know I'm reading your posts and with you all the way. We are stronger than we think and together we are amazing!
take care xxx
Thank you hun hope your keeping well xx
Hi Karen,great to hear from you :-)
Hope you are doing ok.
All the best
I'm just coming up to my third anniversary and I know just what you all mean about there being a bit of a hole in your life at the end of daily treatment. I really struggled to find my new normal and eventually had to go and get counselling. It's easier for you in a country where you have Macmillan nurses than it is for me in a country where we have Greek nuns (LOL). So this is just to let all of you know that there is some wondrful support in Britain and if you need it you only have to ask. It has completely changed my life around and now I am a much stronger and happier individual than I was even before the cancer.
Wishing you all the best of health, both physically and mentally.
Hi tivoli my nurse has asked me if I would like to go to counselling talk things over with what's on my mind and I said no, but now im thinking maybe it might help now? But I was kinda wanting my results back first and then take it from there. Take care xx
There's no need to wait for results before getting counselling. Counselling is good for your head and if your head is in a difficult place while you are waiting for results then now is the time for the counselling. You don't have to make this harder for yourself than it already is. Go chat with a Macmillan nursie - they're great!
Thankyou tivoli i think I will im having a real hard time dealing with my emotions at the minute. Take care xx