Anxious about delay

Hi everyone!

First of all, whilst this is my first time posting, I have looked to these boards for comfort time and time again and the support/kindness the community provides is invaluable. I know it must get a little tiresome offering the same sort of reassurances again and again, but I wanted to just say how much it is appreciated and I hope I can go on to help other people feel better, too.

So, I know my massive anxiety around this is borne out of the fact that I suffer with anxiety anyway – this has just given my anxiety a really good “project” to fixate on.

I had my first smear early (my area did that, for some reason!) at age 20 and it came back normal. The area I then moved to didn’t do them until 25, so there was a long gap until my next one. The next came back abnormal and I had a colposcopy and punch biopsy showing CIN1 and that I also had HPV. I get a bit hazy on the timeline from there, but I think I ended up having another smear in the interim and going back again, and it was all still the same (i.e. hadn’t “cleared up by itself”). However, there was no biopsy this time and the colposcopy nurse was happy to just keep an eye on it.  

It would be safe to say that my anxiety spiralled out of control at this stage, as feeling like no action was being taken (even though logically I KNOW this is not a high risk situation AT ALL) is really difficult for me. They wanted me to go for another colposcopy a year later, and oddly I couldn’t wait as I just wanted to feel in control and like things were being done. I moved house and was absolutely meticulous in changing my address with them, calling again a few weeks later to check it had been changed and was reassured it had and that they would contact me when I needed to come in for my next one.

Fast forward a year and it’s thankfully dropped off my radar a bit, but sitting at work today it suddenly occurs to me that a year was up in May. I call them up and they have still somehow been managing to send the letters to my old address - they send two letters last month but obviously didn’t hear from me. I changed my address with them again and scheduled an appointment for August, which once I hung up the phone I realised I couldn’t do as I’m on holiday (I was so anxious to get the appointment sorted I just agreed without properly thinking!) I then couldn’t get through to the to change the appointment, and then they closed. I know it’s a simple case of calling them tomorrow and they will probably have another appointment not too far in the future.

My stupid anxious brain is telling me that these delays can make all the difference. My partner and mum have both spoken to me and tried to be sympathetic, but I think they’re a bit frustrated that I don’t see my anxiety is illogical. I think it might help just to hear from anyone out there on the message boards that the delay is unlikely to make a difference and CIN1 that they’re keeping an eye on really isn’t a big deal.


Really appreciate any help, thank you so much.