Am I being stupid? Incredibly emotional and anxious post Lletz yesterday

Hi all

I had my LLetz yesterday after my smear showed moderate changes. The lady doing the colposcopy really reassured me and said she couldn’t see much at all but let’s get it gone as I was so anxious to come back and do it all over again as I hate the speculum part so much.

It wasn’t half as bad as I thought but for some reason last night when I closed my eyes I kept having flashbacks and feeling sick.

I’ve woken today hardly any cramping and no pain yet I feel like something major has happened because I feel so weepy and a bit traumatised (yes I know that is so dramatic).

I feel so silly for feeling this way.

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Please do not beat yourself up over the way you feel. It’s an intimate procedure and people will react in different ways - your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t be apologetic for it at all.

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I just did a post asking this too i had mine yest i feel just not myself did this feeling pass for you?

Hey lovely
It did pass after a good few days to a week though. I’m now exactly 2 weeks post procedure and I am still incredibly tired so that takes a while.

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Thanks for replying yea im shattered too altho i wasnt sleeping since this has all went on im an over anxious person anyway so this has me crippled with anxiety maybe just a mixture of everything i got myself on a multivitamin hoping that wil help a bit xx

I felt same way. It does get easier i am 6weeks post lletz after rough time infections but now have results and to go back 6months as low grade CIIN at lletz biopsy so keep the faith xx

Thats good i suppose im anxious of biopsy too consultant had told me my results were minor an my hpv wasnt the type highly linked to cancer an it would prob clear on its own but i opted to remove the cells anyway as i was just so scared. Even tho iv been reassued by consultant an she said not cancer my mind just cant seem to switch off from it all im an emotional mess hopefully il feel like myself again soon thank you so much for replying ladies xxx

Its not easy i been feeling same also have anxiety and ocd so its been and still is very difficult but sounds like you will honestly be ok i just hoping 6months smear is free high risk hpv that i have and the cells are gone but tbh am so glad and thankful to be getting checked and in tbe system x

Yea well because i opted to have them removed Monday the consultant said shell see me in 6 months an thats without my biopsy results im hoping her confidence is a good thing cause i can tell you iv been floored by it all so like me you must be the same with the 6 months you can ask what HPV you have your doctor could tell you that on phone if you want thats how i found out xx

Said on smear high risk hpv x

Oh sorry i didnt read your previous message properly well at least youve had the cells removed an please god everything will be ok im completely the same so your not on your own i cant seem to switch off from it xx

Also we have to somehow put our trust into the fact they would give us closer smears if they were needed so 6 months is probably the protocol unless we have problems within that timeframe heres me saying this to you an im besides myself with it all but try not to overthink it if it does play on your mind you could always have a chat with the consultant who you dealt with at hosp or your doctor an share that worry thats probably what i would do xx

I think Lletz has an effect on people in so many way. After my first one 23 years ago i felt so uncomfortable and dirty i stayed at home for about a week refusing to even anyine to visit. I also think it also must trigger a hormonal response. Dont ever feel stupid for how you feel, xxxx

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How did recovery pan out in the end? I was emotional too and worried beforehand as well.

I just had LLETZ for CIN3 HPV and so far after 9hours I’ve had almost no bleeding and light cramps. Wondering if this is the calm before the storm??

Something I didn’t know til i got in the room that i could have it under general anaesthetic! Problem was it would be a few weeks later and frankly by this point I’d been a wreck about it worrying i just wanted it out of my life!
Despite many people inspecting my vulva over last 5 years, yearly smears, and a related vulval biopsy done under local before - my tolerance for such things does not extend well to those local vulval injections which was my main worry.
Nonetheless, having read many people saying LLETZ was basically painless just 'uncomfortable ’ i was hoping that would be true . However I didn’t find that to be the case for me. I haven’t had kids and so maybe my vagina isn’t as stretched(?) , and so i hated the speculum stretching especially. The gel stuff stung a bit, and the first injection hurt - each one less so though. I didn’t feel the cut but there is some ‘warmth’ when they then quarterize after - but that was generally tolerable. I think when there are so many weird sensations and unpleasant actions being done to one area it can feel too much for some people eg not had kids, not had gynaecological issues/inspections before. ETC I’m psychologically used to people dealing with that area now, but I was crying and shivering in the chair at some point and randomly after in hall after it was finished. Ifelt a bit stupid for that but it just came out. I think it was because there is an understandable time pressure felt that adds to the stress to ‘relax’ and get through the stages asap- which is complete opposite to how women would want to be dealt with down there.
I’m NOT saying don’t have LLETZ- it is necessary and useful, but be aware you don’t have to be awake! Many may feel hardly anything but if you are a nervous type / sexually inexperienced / have a tight vagina for whatever reason I don’t think you should feel any shame in not wanting to consciously deal with the above^. If I have to have it again I think I would get general anaesthesia just so I could sleep better at night not thinking about going through that again - especially since I had general for an operation before and was fine with it… touch wood.

So much love to you all :heart:

Absolutely everything you’re feeling is valid - this isn’t something anyone would ever choose to have happen to their body, and we’re all going to react in different ways.

I started crying basically as soon as the speculum went in, but my nurse was lovely - she explicitly said “you are in control - you tell us to stop, and we stop. You say no, and we stop” and those words were really helpful.

My personal thing to try to maintain a feeling of bodily autonomy, because I’m analytical, is that I want to know everything, and watch the screen avidly - even take photos of it. It’s your body, you should be able to own what’s being done to it in any way that helps. This means I have 6yrs worth of photos of my cervix, which is actually kinda cool (if you’re weird like me!).

Anyway, yeah - I just wanted to pass on love. You’re all amazing.

I had my colposcopy and they did LLETZ treatment there and then after testing positive for hpv and high grade dyskarosis. They said the cells were visible so removed them.I was fine for the first 2 days then started to cramp a little and bleed , I’ve been so emotional since I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve cried ,I’m now waiting for results from LLETZ and biopsy hoping for the best xx