thanks tivoli x
I thank everyone for your comments. Yeah it's being a very difficult time. It didn't help at the weekend when we overindulged with alcohol. Things were ok at first I really don't recall how the argument started.But bottles were smashed at the walls the police were called and I broke the tv. Not quite sure how the dog got involved but altogether and pretty dreadful night. I replaced the tv but nicky don't want it,so gotta try and get it collected for her. But obviously I feel guilty that the kids are missing out on the tv although nicky says they using the PlayStation one. Nicky feels that she has accepted her outcome but we haven't. Her junkie brother wishes it was him. This weekend has been an absolute nightmare. Emotions and tempers to high.just hope we can recover from it during this time that she needs help and support.
Hi Carole and Nicky,
This is a really hard time for you all and it's such a lot to take in. I hope the dust will settle on your row and you can move forward together. I think you're all going to need each other. Emotions and tempers were pretty high the weekend I found out . Nothing got smashed but I did get pretty cross. I simply couldn't deal with the needs of my husband as well as my own. He was looking to me for support I just couldn't give. I remember shouting, through my tears, "I know this is hard for you emotionally but it's hard for me emotionally and physically!" I needed him to look for some support elsewhere.
Have you got in contact with any cancer support charities? I think you will all need a lot of support through this and you need to get back to being there for each other. Hopefully your row will just be an unfortunate blip. My husband and I calmed down considerably and we became very close after we got our emotions and tempers under control. I hope it is the same for you because you need each other right now. Try to forgive each other because neither of you are in your right minds at the moment e which is totally understandable. You're both very frightened but it's obvious there's a lot of love.
Sending you both hugs!
Kirsty xx
thank you I really hope things settle down and I really want to be there for her.i think looking for a support group which we could both go to would be great.I have mentioned going in to MacMillan for a chat and a cry, but waiting for Nicky to get to that stage where we can ask for help together.
Hi Carole,
There would be no harm in asking for help separately. You are, after all, facing different issues. You might find that if you go first you can let Nicky know just how helpful and comforting you find it which may encourage her to follow, or join you.
Very best wishes to you both.
Tivoli
Thanks that's a good idea. Our emotions are in such turmoil at the moment. Maybe after Friday meeting with the oncologist in charge of organising a treatment plan may help us to get things settled in our heads. My hopes of course is that she will react positively from the treatment. Although I do appreciate it is a harsh course to be on. But I have to try to be as positive as I can.
met with the oncologist yesterday
radical radiotherapy x28
5 x chemotherapy
2 x internal radiotherapy
at least we have a treatment plan now. Whereas both Nicky and I were expecting to go in and be told, sorry terminal nothing we can do. Obviously both of us understand its going to be hard,and she needs to have a positive result with
Hi Carole and Nicky, didn't want to read and run. Sending you both best wishes for the journey ahead. As the women have previously said there are some stage 4 survivors around but they don't often come on very often. I feel for you both seems like you've both had a tough few years. Macmillan are absolutely brilliant, they helped me so much. I also know of a charity called the willow foundation. If your daughter Nicky is under 40 they arrange something for her to do. Maybe an outing with yourself and the children. I went to a hotel in Derbyshire with my partner for a night was fantastic. Sorry for rambling on. All my love lea xxxx
Hi Carole, Hi Nicky,
Thanks for getting back and letting us know how things are going. What is radical radiotherapy might I ask? Sounds intriguing! The other treatments I am familiar with, Do you know which chemicals the chemo is going to be? It's not important, I'm just being nosey and jumping the gun, Nicky will know once it starts anyway.
Wishing you both all the very best for the next stage of your journey.
xxxxx
Tivoli
Hi Carole and Nicky,
Good luck with the treatment.
Tivoli,I had radical radiotherapy it just means they use a higher fraction.
All the best
Becky x
Thanks for resolving that one for me Becky. :-) So with a higher warp-factor does that mean you can now time-travel? ;-)
Heaps of love
Tivoli
xxxxx
I wish....;-) xxx
Update her treatment is due to start on the 16th with radiotherapy and weekly cistplatin on the Wednesday. Whether it's because the schedule is now on paperwork and organised but nicky seems to be having a bad time. I think it's only natural that cold feet set in about the treatment. And of course worry about side effects. These are here messages :
I have 2 choices now for my life. Quantity or quality. Quantity is where I live for as long as I can. In constant pain and problems. But still die anyway. Quality is to carry on with my life as happy as I can and live each day as if it's my last. But without all the pain and suffering I will endure. But I will die sooner
I choose quality
At the end of the day I am going to die. I would rather do the things I can with my kids and give them happy memories rather them see me go through continous pain and suffering and never be able to play with them again.
The pain is the same for everyone. Even hayden has said he would rather me be me than just a person in soo much pain.
I could really do with some advice on how to reply to her messages with a positive impact. Please all advice welcome.
Hi Carole.
I remember being told that I would have to go for daily radiotherapy and weekly Cisplatin and I think I probably hit rock bottom at that point too. I think this is the moment when you know unequivocally that you are a sick person and that it hasn't all just been a bad dream up until this moment. I remember imagining that I would feel completely and utterly dreadful during the course of these two combined therapies, but I was so, so wrong. One day at chemo I saw a person I could only describe as being more cancer than person. "What on earth were they having chemo for when they were so clearly not going to survive?" I was told that the chemo actually made that person feel better, not worse.
Nicky needs to understand that it isn't an either/or situation, a choice between quantity or quality, if she takes the treatment she may have both, and if she doesn't she is more likely to have neither. As I said before, if she finds the treatment unendurable she can stop it, but it would be foolish not to give it a try.
Is Hayden her brother? Irrespective of whether he is a good or bad decision-maker with regard to his own life, it isn't up to him to make decisions for Nicky.
Have you encountered some of the other stage 4 women here yet? I think Nicky would do well to chat with them.
Very best wishes to the whole family
Tivoli
xxxxx
PS, after this it might be better to begin a new thread, this one is becoming tangled and I think it will become difficult to follow any day now :-)
