advice needed (children mentioned)

My daughter recently had a one night relationship. However just as her next period was due, a tampax came out.she had obviously forgot about it during her last period. As she was swollen and inflamed she was concerned about an std so went to the local clinic. She received all usual tests for std and also a smear test. Plus she found out that she was pregnant.  A week later the smear tests results showed abnormalities and so a colonoscopy was done.  This then indicated that she has stage 2a cervical cancer. She has now had mri and is awaiting ct scans. Plus blood tests. Could someone please advise what would be the best course of action. She also has three young children, with the youngest 14 mmonths. I live 30 miles away from her, leaving her home alone to face this, although I try to stay a few nights per week. What would you suggest for her to get help. It's just been a nightmare couple of weeks. All advice and suggestions gratefully accepted. Thank you. 

Hi Carole,

I don't like to be the bearer of bad tidings but I would imagine that she will be recommended to have a radical hysterectomy which will necessarily invole a termination. I could be wrong, in which case you have a small cause for celebration. Does she have friends nearby? If not, it sounds to me very much as though she will need you to be her rock. Her medical team should be able to let her know the full array of support services in your local area.

Sorry if this is all awfully upsetting, her medical team should really be keeping her informed.

Best wishes to you both


Hi thanks, and hysterectomy is what we thought. It's very difficult to get her to talk about what is going on. Her emotions are all over the place. It doesn't help that she is supposed to be in the family courts on Monday as her ex, is wanting access to the baby. Trouble is she has a restraining order against him as he is physically, mentally and emotionaly abusive. His eldest daughter is supporting her and she has a solicitor working on it. But with the cancer being diagnosed, she feels that it's an answer to her prayers. She doesn't want to see him gain access and destroy the baby. I am struggling with knowing what to say or do. Obviously I want her to fight against him in the courts but more importantly to fight against this dreadful disease. 

Oh my goodness! I am familiar with the 'cancer as a solution to a difficult problem' scenario. I think that perhaps some good counselling should be sourced. Macmillan have helped me enormously in turning around a messy situation.

Huge hugs to all of you.

With love



Just to update you, we saw the oncologist yesterday and now it's been confirmed as stage 4. She has to have radiotherapy and chemotherapy for five weeks starting within the next week or so. It's just such a shock talk about rollercoster of emotions. 

So sorry to hear that, Carole. What a shock.  Thinking of you all and wishing you the very best of luck.

Sending hugs to all of you! 

Kirsty xx

So sorry to hear ur awful news. Stay strong for ur daughter, stay positive. Sending u so much love. X I hope and pray all goes well over the coming months.

Oh Carole,

I am so desperately sorry to hear this. I do so hope that you quickly manage to find all the practical and emotional support you will be needing on this new journey.

With very much love



Hello Carole

So, so sorry to read what your daughter is going through, you must both feel so dreadful at the moment.  Sending you both lots of love, hugs and support and I hope the treatment goes well.  She will need you so much and you sound like a lovely mum.  I hope the ex does one as she certainly doesn't want that in her life right now, I was in an abusive marriage many years ago so can fully understand how awful that is.

Thinking of you all.


I am so sorry that you, your daughter and her children are going through this.  As a single Mummy I know how difficult it is, and was in a similar situation, going through the courts, and trying to divorce my husband for bigamy.  I was in an abusive relationship, and then realised I had him to thank for the HPV.  My Mum lived 160 miles away, and have to say, without her I would not be here today.  My tumour was too big for surgery, so I had chemoradiation and bracytherapy.  I was a very, very hard slog, but I'm here, and I am proud of it.  My children still have their Mummy.

Can I ask, what has made her stage 4?  What was the spread?

hello i am the daughter, the tumour is quite big, they never said the actual size and it has spread outside of my cervix and is pushing onto my bladder which is what has made me a stage 4a

Hi Nicky,

Thanks so much for coming to join us here. We are all really sorry to hear your diagnosis and really hope that the next steps in your journey go as smoothly as possible. We are all here for you.

With love



Hi Nicky,

So sorry to hear of your diagnosis. 

Big hugs to you and your mum. There are lots of lovely ladies on here who will be there to help and support you as much as you need.

There are some face to face lets meet events coming up soon if you feel up to it. I know this is probably the last thing on either of your minds, but there are some really inspirational people involved and may help you.

With much love and best wishes


Hi Nicky,

So sorry to hear about the diagnosis. I hoped you would come and join us after I read your mum's post. This must be such a hard time for you, but as Suzy and Tivoli sais, there are lots of people on here that can offer you support so please remember we are all here for you.

Sending you a huge hug! :)

Kirsty xx

hiya i would like to say thanks to everyone for all your kind words.  we are really struggling with it all at the moment.  i have read through soo many of the posts here and hearing others stories does seem to help me. i must say i am not looking forward to the treatment at all, everything just sounds soo scary but i am not ready to give up just yet.  have gone and bought a lot of vitaments to help me get through it all, will be meeting with the team on friday to find out when treatment will start. everyone here seem lovely and i would like to stick around for a while. i havent seen many stage 4 survivors on here so i am hoping that i will be one and hopefully encourage others to keep going :)

Hi Nicky,

Really hard time for you and your family at the moment,but

there is alot of hope and proof that the treatment does work.

Its a long haul thats for shore but you sound like you have a

strong frame of mind and  a wonderful supporting mother.

The ladies on this site will be here every step of the way,ask

anything you need to know.

I wish you all the best.

Take care

Becky x

yeah it is hard especially for my mum, she lost her dad to lung cancer in 2007 and her husband to pancreatic cancer in 2009 so having to watch me go through this now is not good for her but shes still trying to be positive for me, its not the best of things to happen to anyone and i wouldnt condone it on my worst enemy.  but seeing it happen to soo many nice people on here is utterly heart breaking x

Hi Nicky

Omg, its certainly been a very tough time for both you and your mum, lets hope that things will take a turn for the better very soon.  I'm sure there will be some Stage 4 survivors come along but from experience I know a lot of survivors don't visit the site as much as they used to as they like to move forward.  I have seen posts from Stage 4 survivors though and I hope one does make contact with you.

All treatment is scary when you are looking at it but somehow it stops being so scary once you have started it.

We'll all be here to support you every inch of the way and you'll make some wonderful friends as indeed I did.

Sending you lots of love, strength and courage - you can do this.

Big hugs


thankyou very much x

Hi Nicky, and Carole,

Goodness what a lot you've both been through. Sending you both huge hugs from Greece. There are some stage 4 girls around, but frequently quite quiet, I hope one of them comes along soon to say hi.

Lots and lots of love