I thought I would write a quick update about where I am just over 8 months after my hysterectomy.
Physically I recovered really well, and was back at work 6 weeks post op. I am lucky that I have a desk job, and actually I think being back at work was easier than being at home with my 18month old and 4yr old! And I think having to be strong for my boys helped speed my recovery up, and I was determined to be active as quickly as possible. I probably did a bit too much too soon, but I listened to my body and rested as soon as I felt I had over done it. But I have been making the most life driving down to the south of France for a family holiday, camping holidays, trips to London and lots of playtime with my boys. I don't want to waste time moping and am determined to live my life to the full!
Emotionally it has taken a little longer. Oddly I was incredibly positive and upbeat before the operation, and it was only when reality hit home (even after I had been given the all clear) in those first few weeks post op when you have nothing to do other than lie in bed or the sofa recovering and thinking about the 'what ifs'!!!
But the 'what ifs' are definitely less frequent now. I don't wake up in the night convinced the cancer will return and I won't get to watch my little boys grow up. Of course I do still have the occasional wobbly moment when I am on my own (my husband works away a lot), but they don't grab hold of me as much as before and I can talk sense into myself ;)
I had sex for the first time after the operation at about 2 months post op, but whislt I think my body was physically ready I'm not sure emotionally I was. But (and please don't tell my husband!!) I used it as a test to find out how sex physically felt after the operation. I wanted to know if anything hurt, if the sensations were the same, if there was any bleeding. So the first few times were a bit of an experiement for me, and I won't say that I enjoyed it (although it wasn't unpleasent!!)
About 2 months ago I has some bleeding after sex, and I convinced myself the CC had returned and was in bits. I had to wait 10 days before I could see my consultant and she discovered a polyp. My consultant was 99.9% certain it was nothing to worry about and just a case of the cervix overhealing after the operation but she sent it away for analysis anyway.
I finally got the results last week when I had a check-up and everything was benign :) and I have got the all clear again, so no more worrying until my next appointment in 3 months.
And I actually had sex last week and almost enjoyed it! I still can't let myself go completely yet as I am still slightly tense waiting for something to hurt or bleed, but I can actually see hope that I will be able to properly enjoy it again.
The hardest thing for me is that literally all my friends have either just had a baby or are pregnant. I have to keep telling myself I am luckier than some as I was fortunate to have had my 2 boys before my operation, but I know there will be times I wonder 'what if' we had been able to have a 3rd!! Still I know I am blessed with my 2 gorgeous, happy healthy boys so I have to just look at them and be thankful, we may never of had a 3rd anyway so its a fairly pointless 'what if'!!!
Life does go on and it does get much much easier