Hi lovely ladies,
Sorry but this is a long post because I have suddenly had a complete mental breakdown!!!
I went yesterday for my results(6mths post 2hr surgery, 7weeks chemo/radiotherapy for recurrence)
Not my consultant,her registra,who greeted me beaming from ear to ear with"Good news no sign
of cancer,just scar tissue".......Thats great but why do I feel so shite,"Oh,that could be the new you,you will just have to adjust"!!!!!!
Then to add to it"Like after you've had children"WHAT???"I see you have a ceasarean scar"OMG! NO THATS FROM MY HYSTECTOMY FOR
CANCER!!What if that had been a real issue for me???What if I had spent the last five years comming to tearms with the loss of my
fertillity??? Is not too much to ask to read basic notes before you speak to people???
Well.......I just lost it,I have got scars,fatness,I've aged 10years,my mind is mush,I am in pain,I can't sleep,I have pulsing in my ear
from the chemo,my vagina is that of an 80 year old,I have to wait another 5YEARS again, (I will be nearly fifty)before hopefully
I am told you are offically cancer free......and I just have to ADJUSTWTH
Burst into tears,Poor husband went from eurphoria to depression in one breath.The poor man,I feel so sorry for him,he has been off
with the stress of me,my Mother(who knows nothing about my illness,because she has bipolar and can't cope)his mother who has got
I know I should be happy,I know that I am lucky once again to have been treated and its worked.I feel dreadful that I am been so
self indulgent,it is not me,I am not this person I am at the moment,but the wheels have come off and I have to lick my wounds
for a little while.I know it will pass,my fear of been like my mother will kick in and something else will happen to take my mind of
myself,but for today,I just have to get it out.
I am going for talk therapy via my CNS so that will help.
Once again,sorry for the long post.Sorry to harp on when so many of you on here have such heartbreaking story's.
If you got to the end thanks for reading.