6 months mri good fertility/children mentioned

Cervical cancer post treatment and side effects
1

Hi lovely ladies,

Sorry but this is a long post because I have suddenly had a complete mental breakdown!!!

I went yesterday for my results(6mths post 2hr surgery, 7weeks chemo/radiotherapy for recurrence)

Not my consultant,her registra,who greeted me beaming from ear to ear with"Good news no sign

of cancer,just scar tissue".......Thats great but why do I feel so shite,"Oh,that could be the new you,you will just have to adjust"!!!!!!

Then to add to it"Like after you've had children"WHAT???"I see you have a ceasarean scar"OMG! NO THATS FROM MY HYSTECTOMY FOR

CANCER!!What if that had been a real issue for me???What if I had spent the last five years comming to tearms with the loss of my

fertillity??? Is not too much to ask to read basic notes before you speak to people???

Well.......I just lost it,I have got scars,fatness,I've aged 10years,my mind is mush,I am in pain,I can't sleep,I have pulsing in my ear

from the chemo,my vagina is that of an 80 year old,I have to wait another 5YEARS again, (I will be nearly fifty)before hopefully

I am told you are offically cancer free......and I just have to ADJUSTYellWTH

Burst into tears,Poor husband went from eurphoria to depression in one breath.The poor man,I feel so sorry for him,he has been off

with the stress of me,my Mother(who knows nothing about my illness,because she has bipolar and can't cope)his mother who has got

dementia etc,etc!!!!OMG!!!

I know I should be happy,I know that I am lucky once again to have been treated and its worked.I feel dreadful that I am been so

self indulgent,it is not me,I am not this person I am at the moment,but the wheels have come off and I have to lick my wounds

for a little while.I know it will pass,my fear of been like my mother will kick in and something else will happen to take my mind of

myself,but for today,I just have to get it out.

I am going for talk therapy via my CNS so that will help.

Once again,sorry for the long post.Sorry to harp on when so many of you on here have such heartbreaking story's.

If you got to the end thanks for reading.

Becky x

2

Oh Becky, sending a BIG hug and some cyber tissues!!

You have been so amazingly strong to go through what you have, a breakdown is more than entitled!

I think that once you no longer have to be strong, once it’s all ‘over’, that’s when the real battle begins. You have to actually absorb the reality of what’s happened and then live with the side effects where to everyone else it’s all done and you should be overjoyed! Take your time,mad much time as you need and focus on you. You have been through an awful time, the happiness will come but you need time for you first.

Don’t worry about being self indulgent, you’re not!!

Big hugs
Ali xx

3

Oh Becky, what a s@@t time ......

Congratulations on the good news from the MRI .... I know you have been here before, but its worth celebrating xx

I don think you are being self indulgent ..... with so much going on, I think most people would be having melt downs on a regular basis !!  Sometimes a melt down is good and releases the tension etc so you can start to move on ....

Good luck, and lots of hugs, and take care of yourself xx

Tracey

4

Thanks ladies,

Had a good long walk in the sunshine with my brown baby(DOG)lol! I feel alot better since my rant!!!

Also,do not want to look back, if I do have to face more of this in the future,and think I wasted time been

miserable.Got to grab life by the balls,and make the most of it.I have lots to be grateful for.

Just needed to get it off my chest without having to worry about upsetting anyone,or take thier feelings on

board.

Going to the seaside tomorrow and treating myself to a big icecream,diet starts Monday....

Thanks again,so lucky to have such a fantastic bunch of strong women to share this cancer rollercoaster ride with.

Becky x

5

Glad you are feeling better Becky, my best thinking is done walking my dog :-) always gives me space to sort my head out. Take care Ali x

6

Glad you are feeling better Becky, my best thinking is done walking my dog :-) always gives me space to sort my head out. Take care Ali x

7

Hey Becky. Its good to have a rant and there is no better place. Glad you are feeling better. That's wonderful news but will take some getting used to. I hope you can treat yourself to kick start the next part of your life journey. Enjoy!

8

Thanks Karen,I will.Time for another shake up!!

Thinking about you tomorrow.

Becky x

 

 

9

Hi Becky, 

I am still working my way around the site so just read this post thread.

I am the type of person who fights through the toughest things, and then falls apart. You may be one, also. So I had my first Pity Party for myself recently. It helped.

But when someone ignorantly and unkindly does or says things that can trigger those coping with serious issues, it can make it very difficult at times. Glad you pulled through quickly. Hope things go swimmingly.

Hugs, Katie

 

10

Thanks Katie,

Looks like you have really been through it.Hope you

are doing ok.Good luck with your next scans/treatment.

Thanks for the good wishes.

All the best

Becky x