I’m feeling fragile… have had a brave face on and a smile up until now. But the mask has well and truly slipped…
Diagnosed 1a1 on Valentine’s Day. Two lots of lletz under local.
No cancer cells present on second lletz, which was done to be doubly sure as not a large clear margin around the first. Changes seen in second one so offered 3rd lletz or hysterectomy.
I went through early menopause at 22… am also a survivor of childhood abuse and rape as a teenager so it’s been triggering…
Feels like a lot, but also very aware that I’m very lucky it was caught so soon and feel a little like a fraud… but also annoyed I’ve never missed a smear and nothing was very caught/seen before this…
6 month checkup appointment this weds - terrified.
Been told it’s just a swab but I’m absolutely terrified.
Feel like a need a huge hug… but it just doesn’t feel like anything is cutting it right now… feeling the utter opposite of brave right now…
Completely forgot to say had keyhole hysterectomy end of April.
Everything you are feeling is completely normal and valid: why wouldn’t you be feeling the way you are with all you e been through.
They say it gets easier with time but know you don’t have to be brave or game face anything. I am sure a lot of people feel the same way. I know I will be come Feb when I have my check up.
Maybe take someone with you and call your CSN to tell them how nervous you are?
Thinking of you