Feeling pretty sorry for myself after my second LLETZ today. My cervix still feels numbed but my womb is dragging like there's no tomorrow and I'm constantly thinking I might need a ?, but then have struggled to get up and move for nothing! Consultant said to completely rest for next few days.
I took in all my questions again. Consultant was so lovely and funny. I'm so pleased to have him as my consultant! He's great!
The original plan was to take 10mm but after the iodine and observation he decided to go for 20mm by 18mm.
He said my womb looks very inflamed so I've been given antibiotics for 5 days metronidazole. And then he decided he was also going to go as far up the cervical canal as he could and take some biopsies too. Which for me is really reassuring.
Unfortunately I found a lump in my breast lastnight so I was pretty freaked out. He reassured me that in 30 years of working he has never come across a case of cervical cancer spreading to breast or vice versa.
They used a medium speculum this time which was perfect for what they needed and for my vagina. The pain was definitely worse in my vaginal walls after the last one, due to the large speculum being the only one available.
I kept on bleeding everytime he was trying to cauterise it so he rang his secretary up and asked her to keep an eye on me for bleeding. I'm not sure how she will do that?
I spoke to my macmillan nurse afterwards. Floods of snotty tears whilst wearing a mask and feeling your about to inhale the mask is not a great experience, but she was just perfect. I said I had been just fine until this Friday and all of a sudden, my work finished and I can't stop crying. She explained that often happens when the diagnosis hits you.
I explained I was reluctant to phone her as right now I'm staged at 1a1 and I feel she has more important work supporting people at later stages. She said she'd had someone say a very similar thing to her just this morning and cancer is cancer. She explained that I'm also still at the waiting for full results stage (another 4-6 weeks due to my cancer being difficult to diagnose and needing a specialist to look at it after their own pathologist lab look) and that the waiting is an anxiety inducing experience for everyone.
We discussed counselling and medication. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow for my breast examination, so going to discuss medication for the anxiety I'm experiencing.
The procedure was different to last time but only in that they had a new machine that whilst using the LLETZ had suction too! Everything else was pretty much the same, and because I knew how valuable relaxing was to stop any pain, the only pain I felt was when he removed the speculum at the end because I think it had got a bit dry and stuck (like last time it wasn't the first speculum they had used and the first one came out just fine). I didn't even feel any pain from the local anaesthetic, which this time was 6/7 times (the last one, he noticed was leaking as he was inserting it, so asked the nurse for another).
Macmillan nurse has marked me down for a call when she knows I'm being discussed at MDT, and then she'll call me straight after the mdt and let me know what was said too.
I feel in a much better place mentally thanks to the consultant, the lovely nurse and the macmillan nurse. We are so lucky to have our NHS and charities like Jo's and Macmillan.
I'm staying away from the forum for a few days as it's not been good for my mental health at the minute, but I know some of you were waiting for updates.
You are all in my thoughts, especially Rebecca and Dreamland. I hope you're both doing okay and I'm sending love to all of you who are in this rubbish waiting for results situation and beyond xxx