1b1 SCC with 2 micro lymph nodes

I was diagnosed with 1b1 SCC.

petct was clear.

after surgery 2 micro came back in 2 lymph nodes. 

I am now half way through chemo and rads.

6 chemo and 28 rads.

I guess I am just panicking that after treatment they will find something else and it’ll be worse!

I’m just feeling petrified at this point. I have been positive and something is just weighing in my at the moment and I’m scared.

all I read about is reoccurrence.

Hi Kimberly,

It sounds like you've been through a tough time, I'm sure it's difficult to stay positive. I'm waiting to find out my final treatment plan and start date (it will be chemo/rads and brachy probably over 6 weeks) and I'm VERY up and down! However I just read a post on here about a lady who was in the middle of treatment and going through similar emotions as you describe. She said she spoke to her consultant and he said something along the lines of 'why are you worrying, we are curing you'. I thought it was an amazing quote and I wanted you to hear it too.

Nobody expects you to be positive and carefree all of the time, so let it out, ride it out and it will pass. It's hard to be strong but don't let the negativity consume you and soon it will all be over.

Sending you all the love and strength, keep going lovely lady xx

Hey Kimberley, 

I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time, I’m coming to the end of my chemorads and I hit a dark place mentally about week 3 I seemed to lose all hope and become very down, but this week is better. I think the treatment is very intensive and affects us maybe more than we realise. 

I find the uncertainty hard to deal with and the constant feeling of being in limbo. 

To copy Oonsy and her brilliant quote there was a lovely quote that Philleepa shared from Facebook “one day you’ll tell the story of how you’ve overcome what you’re going through now and it will become part of someone else’s survivors guide.” 

You got this, stay strong, you’re getting the best treatment and it is aiming to cure you, try to stay positive lovely, you sound very much in the place I was last week and things will get better. 

Much love,

emma xxx