I've been a silent member of Jo's trust forums since the start of my journey and have found it so helpful and the people so supportive. I don't think i would feel quite so relaxed about all this if it wasn't for all you lovely ladies. I thought it was about time i shared my story to see if anyone else is in a similar situation at the moment. This was my first smear (eek) so i was pretty scared and confused when it came back abnormal. I found the colposcopy quite difficult, painful, and it made me quite sick afterwards. My boyfriend attempted to come in with me but didn't cope very well. At least he tried! The biopsies confirmed i had CIN3 so i then went on to have the lletz treatment. This wasn't anywhere near as bad as the colposcopy and i didn't really have any sort of reaction until 8 days afterwards when i started bleeding. I recieved the horrible letter on 1st July saying 'we're pleased to offer you the following appointment' with no indication as to what my results were. I was pretty sure at this point that cancer was going to be mentioned because i couldn't think why else they wouldn't tell me by post. I rang my GP and she confirmed that yes i should prepare to be told they found cancer, but she thinks the margins may be clear already. I went in to see the gynaecologist yesterday (7th july) who confirmed they had found cancer (1a1), 3mm deep. They're not sure if the margins are clear and the margins for the CIN3 weren't clear so i need to have more treatment and have an appointment with the oncologist on friday to discuss this. I'm worried about my family and boyfriend who are clearly worried sick, and feel a bit bad that i actually feel ok about it (should i be freaking out..?). That's not to say i'm not scared, i'm terrified about the next bit, i'm dreading waiting for the next lot of results and i'm pretty down about the effects this could all have on my ability to have children (i'd love to have a family one day). I've only told 2 of my friends but my mum has told alot of people! So i've been getting a lot of emails, which is lovely, but i do feel like i need to reassure everyone that it's not as bad as it sounds, and i'm slightly surprised that i'm coping with it so well. If anyone else is in a similar situation i'd love to hear from you. I know some of the ladies on here have been through hell and back so i feel incredibly lucky that it's been found so early. Oh, also, at my appointment yesterday they checked me over (i had been bleeding for 2 weeks following lletz) and found i had an infection so they applied silver nitrate and gave me antibiotics. I was quite surprised at some of the bits coming out of me yesterday (sorry for tmi!!!). But i feel like it's calmed down a bit today so i guess it's just because she irritated the wound or something?
Anyway, thanks for being there you lot :) it's great to have a support network like this. Fingers crossed for the next bit!