16 months late for PAP, done it now and results borderline with HPV. Being sent for Colposcopy- can't stop crying

Hi, I'm new on this site. I'm hoping someone can give me good news. I cried myself to sleep last night.

I was abused as a child so I hate anything regarding down below and Dr's. So I was traumatized when I had to try IVF for a family - probably why it never worked. Frown

Everytime I am due a Pap Smear I hold off and have to physc myself up to go.  This time it took me 16 months past my due date. 

The Dr I had was a trainee who really hurt me. She tried 4 times including changing the size of the speculum thing to the large one, no lubricant as she said can't have incase effects results. After the 4th attempt she said I could come back another day and take two paracetamol beforehand. I think she could tell by my face I wouldn't go back so she offered to get another Dr. I reluctantly said ok as long as it's female. 

Other GP was lovely, asked the trainee GP how many times she tried and to my horror she said 2! I couldn't speak as I my feelings were all over the place. It had taken me so long to get there that day and because she hurt me I was thinking I'll never do it again but then I know I have to. 

Anyway, the other GP, on the belief the trainee tried twice said ok she would give it a go. She closed the curtain over the door to protect my privacy ( trainee didn't), asked for the small speculum, used lubricant, did a quick internal check to locate my cervix, found it really easy and carried out the smear. I left there that day traumatized and thought well at least it's done. 

Then a few days later i receive a call from the male receptionist (embarrassing) to say I had thrush and Dr had made out a prescription. Never been diagnosed with thrush before. 

Things yesterday got a whole lot worse in my saga. Just back from holiday to open a letter telling me my results were borderline so lab carried out HPV test. You can guess what's next - so I have been diagnosed with an HPV infection and a hospital will contact me with appointment for a Colposcopy! 

I cried myself to sleep last night. I know this is the start now of more frequent pap smears, but also first year for a Colposcopy. Also I'm now thinking I shouldn't have gone so late for my smear. Even worse, I am thinking about symptoms I have had and said nothing - pain on penetration each time my husband and I have sex. Which is not very often so I put it down to the fact it is because I'm not having frequent sex. It hurts only for the first instant then is ok ( most of the time). Itching - I put down to thrush and self medicated with eurax to stop itch as always too embarrassed to go to Dr ( except in this occasion they pick it up in pap for first time ever), bottom of my legs are having sock marks indents left which I put down to some weight gain but now I'm thinking it's oedema, another sign of cervical cancer. 

So upset, angry at myself and terrified that I have cancer and it may sound silly but for me cervical cancer is the worst for someone with my past. So much poking and prodding to come. I can't take this. Starting to cry again just typing this. 

Please can anyone tell me of a similar story - borderline and HPV and everything was ok at Colposcopy? 

XX 

Hi,

I got a colposcopy and a biopsy done and it wasn’t bad at all. I just took some ibuprofen beforehand for the cramping but it’s quick and painless for the most part. All you feel is a little pinch. I would wait on those results to start being concerned with any cancer. Just because you have HPV, doesn’t mean you will ever get cancer. You just have to go for your routine appointments and listen to your doctor. Sometimes it can go away on its own. Hope this helps! Also HPV is very common now, if you google statistics it’s like 1 in 5 woman have either had it or have it.. crazy. 

Hi Tearful, 

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. I was abused as a child too and always hated being examined - always made sure I had a female doctor or nurse. As you get older, it does become much easier being examined. :-)

Borderline changes is not cancer. It’s just picking up the infected HPV cells on your cervix, causing them to become abnormal. Any changes like these are very slow progressing, which is why screening has a gap of every 3 years. 

Colposcopies are nothing to be terrified of. The doctors and nurses at the gynie units are lovely and very professional. They’ll talk the procedure through with you and will answer any questions. I had a dedicated nurse who spoke to me during the whole process and with the doctor and other nurses - we had some great conversations during and afterwards I was given a cup of tea! :-) If you have any questions before you go, take a list what you wish to ask. 

Have you spoken with your GP about your concerns? Perhaps they could suggest something to help you relax during the colposcopy.